Thought it was finally going to be fine. It looked up once again. Finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Or so I thought. Was it all an illusion? Actually just another period of being "fine", before it all comes crushing down again? What happened to the cornflakes? Or is it just a tingle of the toe? This is indeed the weirdest "numb" I have ever felt.
Sometimes you just have the best environment, time and overall setting perfectly aligned for something you normally like to do. Everything is perfect, almost. Except for the fact that you just blank out, it is loud. Suddenly feeling lost, yet the weirdly comforting perfect circumstances are still there. The planets aligned just for you, yet you suddenly cannot decide which spell to cast. What can that look like? A quiet night, no obligations the day after. Cozy lights, calm music in a book nook model. Ideas spinning around for some stories, yet none of them click. An empty document right in front of you. You have some time, a lot of inspiration to feed on, motivation and even goals, concrete ones. Yet you just cannot open the case of your instrument. The gear is all there, you know what you want to do, yet the exercise routine never starts. It used to be so easy. Or was it ever? Finally it is all there, you see your progress with a skill, maybe a language, be it a natural one or other...
Am I… …Like a “usuality” that exists within the space, that it stops getting noticed? Just something that became a habitual circumstance? I feel my affection tainted. Only to get it back when things are in danger. Like a toy one would care about only if it threatened to disappear.
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