Ridiculous

It is quite odd, not being able to trust your own gut.

All the what-could-have-beens that plague my mind.

Now they are all coming back.

I'm bitter, oh I am so bitter.

What is this profound, deep feeling that will eventually lead to complete numbness? (Dumb question.)

Am I bitter at my ordinance? My health?

Would I think of things myself, if I were not ailed by aimless pursuits?

How spoiled and inconstant, the being I am.

Forever ailed by "what could have been"s, 

Plagued by the "ideal me" in a parallel universe, even though I know how illogical it is.

I know I need to focus on now & above & beyond.

The issue is, I cannot stop feeling subparm even though I am aware of what I carved for myself is decent enough.


Then, why am I... or, do I feel full of regrets?

Ridiculous.



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